Wake The Fuck Up Coffee Review
Wake the Fuck Up Coffee – An unsettlingly large portion or my high school years were spent slumped, asleep on my desk. I’d roll out of bed, walk to school in my pajamas, find my homeroom and do my best to pretend that I was still in bed until lunchtime. All this could have been avoided if I’d only had a cup of Wake the Fuck Up Coffee in the morning.
Full disclosure: I’m not much of a coffee drinker so I brought in a local expert… coffee addict to help guide this review. Wake the Fuck Up Coffee comes in relatively normal packaging– a black foil lined bag that insures freshness. The label includes a drawing of a seriously caffeinated man and says the coffee will “put some lead into your pencil.”
The coffee is ground small enough to be good for drip coffee but too large for me to use in my work’s espresso machine (a discovery that required half an hour of cleaning to remedy). According to my friend it smells “dangerous,” though not particularly alluring.
We began by brewing it at a ratio of about 1 tablespoon grinds per cup. According to the friend, the coffee compared favorably in taste to major brands he’s had before. Though he said it nowhere near as good as Starbucks. But really, this isn’t about flavor is it? You just want to know if it woke us the fuck up right?
We gave our first cup about 15 minutes to kick in before deciding it had little affect and going back for more. This time we brewed it at double the ratio: 2 tablespoons per cup. Again we felt sluggish and went back for more. We both agreed that the coffee tasted strong, but we just weren’t waking up (it was three A.M). Finally we went for the motherload, somewhere about 2.5 tablespoons of grounds per cup. The result? I began to slur my speech, probably because all four cups of coffee hit me at once, but my friend promptly went to bed.
Just to make sure the caffeine got into my blood stream I poured a tablespoon of grinds directly into my mouth. I immediately regretted this because coffee grinds taste terrible when chewed, and more importantly because I now look like a completely idiot to everyone who reads this review.
I wish I could say that Wake the Fuck Up Coffee lived up to its name. I was hoping to write about the three days I spent unable to sleep, and the ladder I needed to get my friend off the ceiling. But alas, the affects of the brew were limited. I’m waiting for the day they come out with Wake the Fuck Up Coffee extract.
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