Liquid Stoopid Hot Sauce Review
Some sauces aim to cause pain, others diarrhea, Cajohn’s Liquid Stoopid Hot Sauce has loftier goals: to turn us all into blithering idiots.
As a journalist I’ve always valued intelligence. I spent 18 years and $100,000 on school to escape the gnarly claws of ignorance. Now I’m faced with a sauce that promises a single drop will unravel all my hard work.
They say this stuff could turn Plato into Paris Hilton, and Einstein into Elmer Fudd. They say that a single drop could render me dumb as a tabloid reporter.
The bottle guarantees that you can “taste the IQ points melt away,” and proudly boasts that “one drop will stupefy ya’!” Coincidentally I’ve always been curious what my IQ points might taste like. It would seem that Liquid Stoopid Hot Sauce and I are a match made in the depths of fiery hell.
And yet how dangerous can this stuff be? The first ingredients are water and vinegar followed by the lowly Jalapeño. I mean no disrespect to the ubiquitous green chili but at a paltry 2500 Scoville units it’s just not that hot. And then I see it, sandwiched between the onion, garlic, salt, and spices: pepper extract.
Pepper extract is sort of the ambiguous curveball of the hot sauce world. The concentration of an extract can be anywhere from a few thousand Scoville units to 16 million units and there’s no way of telling unless it’s written on the bottle. Extract can be the last ingredient on a label and still hit you like a Chinese bullet train. Extract sauces are for those seek a life on the edge, waiting for fate to reveal itself on the tip of your tongue.
Liquid Stoopid Hot Sauce smells somewhat like powdered cayenne pepper. The flavor is full of acidity with a strong garlic kick and an aftertaste of dried Jalapeño. It actually tastes a bit musty, like the flavor has gone slightly stale in the vinegar.
The heat takes a second to kick in but then it comes charging out from behind the flavor. Its not a numbing pain but the more of the sauce you eat the stronger it gets. It really stays where it touches your mouth and just burns there. While the worst of it goes away in a couple seconds the “tingle” last for a few minutes before completely subsiding.
In the name of full disclosure I should admit that I generally don’t like Jalapeño based sauces. I find that Jalapeño peppers sometimes seems to give off that musty flavor I mentioned earlier and Liquid Stoopid is no exception. However it fared better when mixed into an apple chutney, lending heat without overpowering the flavor.
In summation, Liquid Stoopid isn’t my favorite sauce but at least my brain remains intact.
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